Miz Parker’s Quest to Read Every Book on the List "1,001 Books to Read Before You Die."
Fiction Novels
Don’t Bother if: You’re on team “I’m so sick of hearing about vampires I could puke.” While the vampires are far less emo weiner-y than Edward, they’re still essentially vampires in a romance novel, even if it disguises itself pretty well as a murder mystery.
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The first lines of Choke explain that you won’t love Victor Mancini, and they’re right. Victor is a medical school dropout who may be a sex addict. Anyway, he attends the meetings (and generally winds up in the bathroom, having sex with one of the other twelve-steppers.) His mother is wasting away in an expensive care facility which Victor has to pay for. He does so by supplementing his day job income (he works in a re-enactment museum which forces him to be in character for the 1800’s) by going to fancy restaurants and pretending to choke.
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The neighborhood is shocked when 13-year old Cecelia attempts suicide by slicing her wrists. She is rushed to the hospital and saved. Her doctor remarks “Why did you do this? You’re not even old enough to know how bad life gets.” Cecelia deadpans “Obviously, doctor, you’ve never been a 13-year old girl.”
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This story follows Claireece “Precious” Jones, an illiterate, morbidly obese 16-year old, who is pregnant for the second time with the result of being raped by her absentee father.
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After her pothead boyfriend dumps her, plus-size journalist Cannie Shapiro is just starting to pick up the pieces. That is, until she sees an article written by her ex in a women’s magazine entitled “Good In Bed: Loving A Larger Woman.”
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In “The Third and Final Continent”, a man rents a room from a 103-year old woman until he can afford to bring his newly acquired wife from India. Upon his nightly return to the house, the old woman remarks “Did you know that there’s an American flag on the moon? Isn’t that splendid?” Ever-polite, the man replies “Yes, madame.” “No,” the woman demands, “Say it was splendid!” “Splendid!” he exclaims.
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When a true genius appears in the world, you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him.
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